Friday, June 13, 2014

I just want to be normal...

I just want to be normal. I don't want a long list of dietary requirements. I want to pick something up that looks good and put it in my mouth... without fear of headaches, stomach aches, nausea... you get the idea. Normal.

I continued my elimination diet for two weeks. No dairy, gluten, soy, eggs, peanuts, or corn. Every day fighting with the world we live in and the people I love, over what food I was going to put in my mouth. Actually, if I'm completely honest, the real battle was with myself. Every day an exhausting battle of wills, except that it was my own issues causing me to be the whining toddler throwing herself on the floor because the offering laid before me at supper wasn't good enough. It wasn't the western diet I've come to know and love. It didn't come from a box. Or a drive thru. It wasn't easy or instant. Stupid instant gratification mindset. It was HARD. Well, hard compared to what I perceived as normal, which I've learned is so not normal compared to the rest of the world. But I digress... So, I did this elimination thing. I took some meds from doTerra for gut healing, specifically killing all the bad bacteria in my gut (GXAssist followed by probiotics). And guess what? I was still having my typical reactions! I still had gastric upset and bloating, crazy itchy face, sometimes with little bumps that looked a lot like acne but went away by morning. Plus being tired. I did lose six pounds. But other than that... the pain and the emotional exhaustion from being weird was overwhelming. I cried every single night. So, I went back to normal food. Well, my revised version of normal. And I called my doctor because there's something else going on here. My primary referred me to an allergist and I go next week to get allergy testing. I've read that food allergies are hard to test for, but maybe it's not food. I don't even know what to think about food anymore.

On a random, slightly related note... Last week I began reading Jen Hatmaker's book "7: An Experimental Mutiny Against Excess." The basic idea is she examined seven areas of excess in her life as an American and went on intentional fast in each of those seven areas individually for a month. Chapter one was about food. And I wanted to throw the book and have another tantrum, but I stuck it out. Because here's the thing, I don't want to be difficult. I want to be normal. To be accepted. At the same time, I know normal in America is a very broken person. Normal in America is excessively overweight because of our reliance on drive thrus and boxed meals filled with chemicals that were created in a chemistry lab, along with sitting on our backsides for the majority of the day. Our children are the first generation with a shorter life expectancy than us, their parents, because of the obesity epidemic. Normal in America is dysfunctional. We fight with the people under our own roof, while paying loads of attention to our online friends. Don't get me wrong, I love my online friends, but they're not my family and shouldn't be my top priority. I would never invite 400 human beings into my livingroom and expect to get any real relationships built, but I do it every single day when I open my Facebook feed 50 times to see who shared what. In America, we spend money we don't have on things we don't need, while other people all over the world, including right down the street, go without basic necessities. We put airbrushed, unrealistic people on huge posters and billboards everywhere we look, but then wonder why no one thinks they're beautiful. In America, we spout our diatribes about equality and acceptance, but continue to stereotype people by their labels. It doesn't matter which label. People are more than the sum of their labels. We're killing ourselves with comparison. KILLING OURSELVES! The rest of the world is watching this happen, waiting for America to implode on itself.

BUT... there's a rebellion going on. A rebellion I want to be a part of. A rebellion against excess and towards simplicity. A rebellion against chemically engineered food and towards real food, the food our grandparents ate when they were young. A rebellion against taking handfuls of pills every day and towards natural healing through supplements and essential oils whenever possible. A rebellion against showing off our bodies and towards modesty, out of respect for ourselves and the people we love. I can love my body without sharing it with the world. A rebellion against comparison and towards being appreciated and loved as an individual. A broken, desperate, trying to find their way in a big scary world, individual. A rebellion in the Christian church that says we do what God taught us out of love, not out of fear. Perfect love casts out fear... Love God, Love People... A focus on our own shortcomings first, instead of everyone else's. Where we pick each other up when we fall, not throw another rock at the wounded. Where we whisper gently about a God who loves us without conditions, enough to die for us, enough to change us, and clean us up. That's the rebellion I want to be a part of. Even if it means I will never be normal.

Fighting the good the fight... the fight that's got eternal glory... not temporary ease.

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